He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
