There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
