Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
