if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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