I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
