a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
