Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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