We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
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