At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
