Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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