Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think your dad took our porno
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
