i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
