Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?

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(519): View more from Ontario

how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.

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(970): View more from Colorado

Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives

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(757): View more from Virginia

Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.

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(253): View more from Washington

at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?

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(773): View more from Illinois

Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.

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(269): View more from Michigan

And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick

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(803): View more from South Carolina

he's single and there are thong briefs.

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