I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
