it wasn't lemon gatorade
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
