exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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