Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
