I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I will die if light touches me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
this just has baby written all over it
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
