So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
