I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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