Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
