My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
