11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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