So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
