Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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