i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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