well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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