Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
