Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Too much gin, very little bucket
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
