I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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