Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
