When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
