she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
