How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
