My brain says no but my pants say off.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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