It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
