a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just cut my nipple shaving
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
