the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
