why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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