He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
