a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
