I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
