You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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