Yo dont text me then not text me
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i've created a new STD.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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