3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I wish I only lived at night.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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