shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
