So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
