A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
