So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
