Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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