I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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