As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
