if i can run in heels then i can drive
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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